Talking About Sex
think-progress:

States with the highest teen pregnancy rates lack adequate sex ed requirements.

think-progress:

States with the highest teen pregnancy rates lack adequate sex ed requirements.

No means no, Yes means yes, but what else?

Ive been loosely following the steubenville rape case, and havent really said anything on it because I feel like everything I have to say has been said (IE: those boys shouldnt have raped that girl, duh.) 



But it got me thinking. I’d love to see an extensive survey done on how many women were talked into sex. And what I mean by that is…

We all know (whether we abide by it or not, we KNOW) that “No” means “No.” But that wasnt working well enough because of cases like the one in steubenville, where she *couldnt* say no (because she was passed the fuck out) so now we’re also preaching “ONLY YES means yes”, and presumably you need to get an audible and enthusiastic and unimpaired “YES!” any time you want to have sexual contact with someone. (Which, is great in theory but poor in practicality for all of us who arent rapists. My fiance does NOT need to ask me “can I kiss/touch/fuck you?” and not do anything until I say the very word “YES!” because…well…thats awkward and hes not a rapist and if I brush him off and say “not now” he stops. Not that I ever do that anyway but all this is a tangent.) 

It seems like a given for all of us who arent rapists, but theres something else not being said, and that is “if she says no/doesnt say yes….that does not mean you have the right to try to change her answer.” 



I’m recalling my teenage years here for this one. I started being sexually active (groping, fingering/handjobs, oral sex, PenisInVagina sex) when I was 13. I was having a good amount of sexual activity that I did not at first respond enthusiastically and positively about…but I eventually wound up having it anyway. Was I raped? No, of course not, I am not calling my past boyfriends rapists. 

What we WERE, was a bunch of horny kids with not a lot of understanding for emotional manipulation and personal entitlement/selfishness (or comprehensive sexual education or open direct communication with sex educators/parents/each other). It typically went like this…

Us: *making out*

Him: Indicates he wants some type of sexual contact (groping, masturbation, oral, or PIV, or some combination thereof) 

Me: Says something to the effect of “I dont want to”

And this is where it gets icky. This is where theres an attempt made to change my mind, and I dont necessarily think when a person (especially a teenager) does this they think theyre doing anything damaging, because we’ve known how to use this technique all our lives. I think what it really was, was simple selfishness, and the idea of “theres no harm in *asking*, Im not MAKING her do anything”

Throw a tantrum, you get what you want. Provide a good counter-argument, and you get what you want. Be persuasive, you get what you want. We know that we cant just take something we want when someone doesnt want to give it to us, but we know what negotiation is. And we dont know that some things are not up for discussion or that its WRONG to try and negotiate some things. 

So this is the part that I would hear some of the following :

"But YOU got me so horny" - flattery AND guilt trip

"But I love you…dont you love me?" - warm fuzzies AND guilt trip

"But I dont want to do it myself, its so much better when you do it" -flattery AND guilt 

"You dont understand how much blueballs sucks" - Guilt because *Im* causing physical pain 

"You never want to, do you not think Im attractive/dont want me/dont love me?" - guilt trip

"Its not a big deal" - trivializing my feelings

"Soandso and his girlfriend are [insert something "more sexual" than what Im being asked to do, ex: Im being asked for a blowjob, soandso and his girlfriend have PIV sex]" - guilt that I wont be "as cool as" /"as good as" someone else, and a hint of fear that I might be dumped if I dont keep up

And probably some more clever things I just dont remember. 

I imagine that in their minds, they were just voicing their feelings, which were that they wanted to fuck me, and thats fair… except that theyd already done that once and Id said no. The conversation SHOULD stop there, but thats not what we do when we want something. Eventually all their countering and all my “No”s turned into something that can be best visualized as the toddler who throws themselves on the ground in the middle of the cereal aisle at the grocery store and screams and refuses to get up until dragged out or being given the thing they want. Embarrassing for everyone, more embarrassing when its your “oh so grown up” teenage boyfriend whos hand has been hovering on your snatch awkwardly while you have this argument. Even worse if he actually whines or cries (yeah, that happened). You know what usually happens to that toddler? They get what they want to shut them the fuck up. 

So what wound up happening was, Id rather just suffer through the really gross, sloppy, awkward sex and make him shut the fuck up and stop making me feel like the ice queen of the century just because I didnt want to taste his dick… than continue to put up with it AND probably get dumped as the amazing prize at the end of the complaining. I mean, I was a lovestruck hormonal teenager myself…and I was going to be with those boys forever happily ever after… i couldnt possibly survive through being dumped, who would I ever find to love me as much as they obviously did? (forget the part where it happened before and would probably happen again and again… I apparently was not learning from my mistakes at 14) 



The worst thing all of that ever did was teach me how to fake orgasms and lie about how amazing in bed they were. I have no real emotional scars from that, my lifes not ruined, and if anything I can appreciate good attentive loving partners who DO seek enthusiastic consent from me. And I have a pretty thorough understanding of what bad sex is, which is nice because now I know when Im having really good sex (which is all the time now) I hold no ill will towards any of those boys, they annoyed the piss out of me and bored me to death but they did not damage me. 

But thats not the case for everyone, certainly not most people who experienced that kind of manipulation (because thats what it actually was) as they were coming into their sexuality. Ive met several girls my age, some even older than me, who are still falling for this type of “talk her into changing her mind” behaviour. I still hear women say “I wasnt really in the mood but I wanted him to shut up and leave me alone.” I still know a lot of women who dont enjoy the sex theyre having, lie to their partner about it, fake their orgasms, etc etc.  

Not only does that suck for her emotionally/mentally, but it pretty much sets the couple up for never having GOOD sex, even when she DOES want it, because by that point theyve fallen into a pattern that is completely centred on the male and him getting off, not what will get her off and make her enjoy it, because thats not USUALLY the point of the exercise. 

Until that pattern is broken, neither party will have good sex. The guy doesnt know he sucks, and when he does meet a woman who will tell him as much he’ll be crushed (or will put her down to retaliate his hurt feelings) and the woman will just assume all sex feels the same and never seek a partner who wants to know what makes her feel good and wants to MAKE HER FEEL GOOD. 

It sucks for the relationship that starts this behavior and it sucks for every relationship afterwards where the behavior is allowed to continue, and while it does favors for the male partner when hes young and selfish, it does NEITHER party any favors when theyre older and trying to settle into a solid lasting relationship where good sex is a very important factor, because they wont find it. 

Theres a lot of people out there saying “No means no!” but not many people saying “No means no!…and DONT PUSH THE ISSUE! SHE WILL CHANGE HER MIND ON HER OWN WHEN SHES READY WITHOUT YOUR HELP, THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD” 

I think it needs to be stressed, especially to younger people, how important that is, not just for the immediate reasons (not guilting your teenage girlfriend into doing more than shes ready to, because thats a really selfish move just to get your dick wet) but for long-term sexual health for everyone. Not everyone is given such a glaringly obvious opportunity to break out of that kind of pattern like I was.  Its fucking SAD that there are women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, who dont know good sex, who dont know a guy who cares about how to make her orgasm, who dont know being left alone until THEY want to have sex and being given the opportunity to be the one who initiates. Women who dont know anything other than “have sex so he’ll stop bugging me and I can get back to whatever I want to be doing” 

Thats not what sex is supposed to be like. 

ETA: I dont mean to sound like this is strictly a hetero issue or a womens issue, its definitely an everyones issue, but as it turns out the thing that sparked my thinking of this was a hetero womens issue and Ive only personally experienced it as a hetero female, so thats how it came out. EVERYONE needs to know that No means no, Yes means Yes, and theres never an excuse for not accepting the answer you’re given the first time point blank, no matter your gender or orientation. 

In reality, sex work isn’t stigmatised because it is dangerous. Sex work is dangerous because it is stigmatised.

Laurie Penny, on newstatesman.com

Today (December 17th) is International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. See december17.org for more info, and check out our Sex Worker Shopping Guide.

(via goodvibestoys)

SHIT. 

(via agender-queer)

Perfectly put! I wish I were capable of being so succinct.

(via everythingbutharleyquinn)

30 days that will never end
30 days of Kink

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

-Service-oriented, owned, submissive. Sometimes toppy with cute girls. I dont know how more plain I can get about it. I enjoy service-related activities, “1950s housewife” /domestic type tasks. Im owned, and I give my Dominant everything I can. Occasionally I think its fun to make a pretty girl cry, because Im mean. Any more than that and I’ll be answering question 2 and 6

Day 2: List your kinks.


-Impact play

-Biting, pinching, hair pulling, face slapping, choking

-Rope, restraint, bondage

-public sex, threesomes, yoyeurism

I think that covers all the basics.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?


I don’t ever recall having an “ah-ha!” moment, I just always sort of was, one day for some reason I heard the definition of the word kinky and adopted it (I guess). I don’t remember ever searching for “people who like blahblahblah” or feeling like i didnt understand a part of me, it was just always there and i went with it. I remember my “oh yes I’m definitely submissive” moment. All my high school boyfriends were vanilla or subs, so when I said I wanted to have rough sex, the response was “okay, YOU be rough to ME”, which was not what I thought I wanted, and I found it frustrating. My last highschool boyfriend finally got it, and I knew it was right immediately.


Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Possibly. Im no psychologist. My love for playing with string and tying all the furniture up may or may not have been a childish interest in bondage. Maybe I just liked playing with string. I never tied any person or toy up, just wrapped string around chair legs and tables, making a big knotted mess that had to be cut out. my string got taken away. 

The babysitters boys used to chase me around with a roll of duct tape…but they were trying to put it in my hair, not restrain me. I think they were just being rotten, not kinky. 

Every time I played with barbies, there was a wedding, I guess I really liked barbies wedding dress. For whatever reason, barbie always married barbie, not ken. So, thinking I was gay, they took away all my extra barbies and left me with several kens. So *I* married barbie instead, and the kens were still just the minister and ushers and barbies dad. They gave up and gave me my barbies back. That probably says more about growing up in a single-parent (female) home and my lack of understanding about marriage than it does about my love for fucking chicks though. 

I didnt like spankings as a kid. I only got them maybe two or three times, and I specifically aimed to avoid it. 

Once I hit puberty I was pretty in-tune with my sexuality. There wasnt much to “hint” at, I just somehow already knew that I was going to like kink. I didnt know ALL there was to know about kink (I still dont), my idea was “ooh I like ‘rough’ sex…or i will…when i lose my virginity”, I heard song lyrics about it or saw it on tv or something and knew the idea appealed to me. 

Boring normal childhood! 

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

I dont actually remember it. I mean, I remember my first REALLY kinky experience, but not the first thing that really confirmed “yep Im kinky” for me. It was somewhere in my early teens I have to assume, because I WAS having (what I considered kinky at the time) kinky sex with my long-term highschool boyfriend by 17ish. 

I handcuffed a boyfriend once before that, and it was really lame (because I was topping and I didnt like it) and I guess that could have been my first kinky experience because, well, handcuffs. I dont remember the first time someone “spanked” (by which I mean barely tapped) my ass during sex, or pulled my hair (by which I mean put their hand loosely in my hair). 

Ultimately Id say that whatever it was, it wasnt good enough to be remembered. Which sums up a LOT of my sexual experiences, actually. Thats a bummer. 

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Im not really one for elaborate detail, Im a pretty simple gal in terms of what has to happen to make me happy. Id have to say my most “out there” fantasies involve groups of people fucking/beating/etcing me. I dont have any specific people, or specific actions in mind, Id actually rather not plan it out too much because in the off-chance it were to ever happen, the more detail I decide I want, the greater the chance of it not being exactly what I want. If I leave the details open ended then I can be satisfied with whatever I get. 


Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Ooh this ones easy! 

My favorite sex-toy has to be the Eroscillator. Its pretty much the best vibrator in the whole goddamn world, better than a hitachi, better than a sybian, better than a rabbit, better than everything in the history of ever, the end. 

My favorite kink-toy is a really fantastic (elk, I think?) leather/suede flogger I picked up at Fetishcon this year. Its hand-made by a vendor who I regrettably cant remember the name of, but I believe that Ive bought from them in the past (another flogger) and theyre really nice. This one has bumped my other flogger into second favourite. Im a much bigger fan of thuddy than stingy, and this flogger does amazingly well at that. 

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Thats what my entire blog is. Tits and kink. I want a do-over on this question 

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

This one is stupid too. A vanilla person wrote this up, didnt they? Grrrr. 

“Passenger” by the Deftones is one of my favorite songs to dance to, its a little bit kinky. 

Now Im skipping onto day 10 because these last two sucked. 


Day 10: What are your hard limits?


There we go, a reasonable question. Things I am 100% NOT into

-blood, cutting, etc

-shit

-piss

-adult baby/diapering/littles/age play (not to say theyre all the same, just grouping based on age-related characteristics)

-furries/animal play/beastiality (again, I recognize theyre not the same thing, grouping based on animal characteristics)

-hook suspensions/play, really extreme play piercing, sewing things together, etc

-incest

Theres probably a few more but those are the really big ones that I just cannot with. It turns my stomach to even see half of that. Red red red. 

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

 Im for whatever makes a person happy so long as its within the bounds of reasonable laws (you cant fuck your dog/a child/rape someone/etc is reasonable, you cant have buttsex in the privacy of your own home is unreasonable) and not harming anyone who didnt or couldnt consent to it, Im game. Even the things that totally gross me out, if thats what you wanna do, go for it.

A few “standards” that “the community” preach are 

SSC (safe, sane, consensual)

and

RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)

and I subscribe to somewhere between the two. Im not personally sure where “safe” actually enters my kinks, as many of them are, when done improperly or if there is an accident, potentially severely harmful if not deadly (bondage, choking, etc) A lot of what I like is what some random person off the street would deem unsafe. However Im not sure I totally subscribe to the “risk aware” end of the spectrum either. I understand the risk of jumping off a building, but can anyone with half a brain condone me having “jump off a building sex” on the basis of “well, she knew what she was getting into….”. Further, where does that leave me in the realm of “sane”? Is it sane to admit the risk of jumping off a building is death, yet you still give it a try? On the other hand, I just admitted that the risk of my boyfriend choking me is death, albeit a lesser risk than jumping off a building, it still exists. Its all very complex. 

So, I cant personally recommend one over the other since Im not sure where I even fit in, but theyre both very good guidelines in determining if youre being a decent human being in the scene. Both mantras include the terms that the activity be Consensual, and I think thats above all most important. Consent is the only thing that differentiates a good portion of kink from abuse, and its crucial to the community on a whole and each of its participants that they adhere to the C word. 

I know a handful of people who scoff at all the fancy little acronyms for kink activity, especially when one group touts their policy as better than the others (which happens a lot, theres always the elitists and twue kinksters) and theyre free to have all the dangerous, risky, insane, fun they want so long as all parties freely want to be doing it. In general I think the kink community is better off promoting SSC and RACK, rather than not having them at all though. I think that there are a lot of newbies who benefit from having a guideline to follow when theyre first getting their feet wet, so they dont wind up offending or actually harming someone. 

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

I cant say Ive had any uproariously funny experiences with kink. There have been lots of little giggle-worthy moments. 

In a previous relationship, my boyfriend and I kept all our toys in a box with a sliding top at the foot of the bed. The cats learned how to get into the box, and for some reason took a real fascination with chewing on silicone toys. On more than one occasion I came home from work to find dildos and butt plugs all over the house. With teeth marks in them. That was funny and embarrassing when we had company 

One of my highlights of FetCon this year was a pair of raccoon/fox furries in FULL costume. Im not into furries as a sexual play thing, but their outfits were fucking adorable, and it was really funny to watch them eat and drink through the hoods/masks. 

Similar experience, I was standing in the lobby of a dungeon I go to one night speaking with someone, when out walks a red and blue Trex (full body costume) being led by a woman on a leash. It then proceeded to wag its tail as it was pet. Submissive red and blue tail wagging T-rex…just picture that one for a minute. 


Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

I like what I like because it makes me feel good. Same as why I eat what I eat and wear what I wear etc etc… I find it pleasing to some number of senses. 

I really dont have a better explanation than that. Brain chemicals. Its not something that I just up and decided to like one day because X Y and Z reasons, I tried it, it felt right, I stuck with it. 


Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

It depends on the context of the fantasy. 

Some people think BDSM is abuse. Which it isn’t, unless youre conducting BDSM activities with an abuser, then its abuse. 

Then some people think that BDSM is all fancy toys in fancy basement dungeons and fancy leather outfits and whips and chains and screams and gimps. 

Its also not that. Its sometimes that, for some people, but its also whatever you make of it. I engage in BDSM play without anyone around me even realizing it, because its about what I and my partner feel, and not so much about whos doing what to who with what object and whos screaming and crying. He can say a single word and we’re engaging in D/s play that is not outwardly detectable. 

Aside from that, its still not all fancy toys and elaborate set ups and whatnot. SOMETIMES we break out the toys and the rope and its hours of making me cry. Sometimes he just uses his hands. SOMETIMES we go to the local dungeon and play, sometimes we just hang out, sometimes we play at home. Sometimes its hours and hours, sometimes just a few minutes. 

When people hear “dungeon” they imagine some dark basement hideaway full of scary looking people you wouldnt want to meet on the street doing unspeakable things to helpless victims. 

The dungeons I attend are clean, accessible, well (enough) lit, friendly places full of average approachable people. Theres a healthy mix of smiling and screaming and giggling and crying and moaning and whatever else. Theres play areas, and also social areas, one of them even has a brightly lit and well stocked with snacks lobby. 

Things like Law and Order, CSI, etc do a tremendously shitty job at portraying kink. Its revolting to people who have no interest in kink, and sets bad (either too high or too low) expectations for people who might be into kink. 

And then theres fantasys like 50shades of grey, the secretary, the story of O, etc which are actually just romanticizations of two people who dont have their mental shit together engaging in something edgy to try and patch their emotional boo-boos instead of handling it like adults. Theres a heavy emphasis on one character being “broken” and the other character being the “fixer” for the broken one. Theres also often emphasis on the broken one coming from some sort of troubled life, because why else would someone resort to such awful lifestyles, theyre “damaged goods”. This is also largely untrue. SOME “broken” people use BDSM as an outlet for their issues, but many many many kinksters are perfectly fine, well adjusted, happily consenting adults just having some fun. 


Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Ive been on this want to be kicked lately, I figure if I talk about it enough someone will eventually throw me on the floor and put a boot on me. I already know that Im into impact play, as well as being held down, so I think its a safe leap to say I wouldnt mind if that thing that was hitting me was a foot rather than a hand once in a while. So I think Im past the point of curious about that one, I already know I want that to happen. 

I think Id also like to eventually see what this whole “rope scening” thing is about, as opposed to just getting tied up. 

I think Id also be interested in being trained to cum on command…but some cynical part of me thinks that would be impossible for me, I have a hard time believing people really do it for some reason, so Id have a hard time giving into letting it work if it really would. who knows. 

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

As I’ve touched on previously, I found it difficult in my teens and even in my early adulthood, as recent as two and three years ago to find people who were both open to kink in general, but also able to fit the role(s) I preferred. I’ve met a lot of people who wanted to date/fuck me that were vanilla, and the rest of the package they were offering was just NOT good enough to overlook that. I’ve also met a lot of people who were kinky, but submissive, and they wanted ME to fill the role that I was seeking. Fine for women, not okay for men. The only time I want to dominate a man is when have a once-in-a-blue-moon want to be really mean to someone and not care about them. And I might cause damage they didnt sign up for. So I just dont do that. Ever. And Ive found a lot of people who are all talk and no game, they play “dominant” but theyre faking just to get me to say yes to whatever theyre offering, and thats totally unappealing to me. Im incredibly lucky to have found Sir, hes exactly right for me. 

Its also been a bit strenuous in friendships. I remember in highschool discussing sex among friends and they were grossed out or put off or scared for me that I liked my high school-knowledge-of-kink idea of “rough sex”. I was freaky, and not in a good way, to them. At least not that they would admit. Those same friends all read 50 shades of grey this year though, of course, and loved it. So theres that. *side-eye* 

And its difficult that I have to hide this part of my life from my family. I dont believe that if they knew, they would hate or disown me or anything silly like that, but just like I dont tell my mom about the blowjob I gave last tuesday I also dont tell her about my latest trip to the dungeon, or show off my new rope bruises, et al. However, Ive had to lie about where I was going when Ive booked trips to fetish conventions. Had to lie about what I was doing when going on fetish shoots or to fetish parties. Lie about how I know my friends so-and-so, because I know them through the fetish community and I cant bring that up, so instead I met them somewhere else. Sir and I spend weekends in FL attending a dungeon we like there. My mother always asks how was the trip and what did we do, and because I have to leave out two nights at the dungeon, then two afternoons doing other kinky things, it always sounds like we went all the way to FL just to sleep in a hotel room for three days. My hair dresser asked me last time I saw her what Id been up to that week, and I slipped up and said that I went out to a spa with a girlfriend of mine. She asked which, I couldnt tell her it was actually a sex club that happened to have spa facilities. I have to be careful what I and my friends post on places like facebook where my family might see. Its just annoying. 

The same goes (though this isnt exactly kink-related) with my open relationship status. I have to be sure to never mention that Im going on a date, or doing anything sex/romantic with my other partners. If my family ever sees me around a partner other than my boyfriend we have to be strictly platonic towards each other. Just because I dont want to shove my alternative sexual lifestyle in my families faces. 

In short: its difficult to always remember what company Im currently in and how much of my life I need to make up lies/excuses for, or simply not talk about at all. I COULD just ONLY surround myself with people who are okay with it/also into it, but Id have a much much smaller social network….and no family. 


Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

That all kinky people come from a fucked up, troubled, or traumatized past. Something that immediately came to mind for me… Remember the late-night radio talk show on sex and drugs, Love Line? With Dr. Drew?

Every single time a person called in and had a fetish, a kink, a dirty fantasy, every time they asked about open relationships, enjoying sex for the sex instead of needing to fall into longterm relationships with deep passionate love…every single time someone called in with a question that deviated from “Im a well adjusted young adult in an abstinent long term loving relationship that will turn into traditional marriage and I dont have any problems in my life whatsoever”… Dr. Drews first response is always “were you abused as a child?”

He will actually go so far as to convince a caller who says they were NOT abused in any way as a child that they actually were and theyre just in denial. Because they like BDSM, they were OF COURSE abused as a child. For someone attempting to host a help-line about love and sex he is the biggest judgemental, narrowminded, egotistical twat Ive ever listened to. 

Unfortunately someone gave that man a medical degree and he somehow landed himself a bit of fame. What he actually should have gotten was a swift kick in the nads. 

Even more unfortunately, a lot of people would agree with his assessment of anyone in the kink scene. That they were abused, that theyre broken, that theyre mentally ill even. 

There is nothing wrong with someone who is kinky 

There is nothing to be ashamed for if you’re kinky

Youre a humongous dickbag if you make someone who is kinky feel like they need to fix themselves or apologize for who they are, and you should probably light yourself on fire. Even if you are personally not kinky, even if you dont “get it”, even if it repulses you, that doesnt make THEM wrong. Ever. 

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

I think all of my annoyances that pertain to the BDSM lifestyle are pretty standard. 

I cant stand the “kinkier than thou” bullshit from the self-proclaimed elitists, as well as the asshat sector of the old-schoolers. 

I cant stand the assumption that because Im female Im automatically submissive (regardless of the fact that I am, people assume it before knowing, just because of my vagina)

I cant stand anyone who thinks that because I identify as a sub that I will sub to them and that they can automatically give me orders or expect things from me. 

I cant stand anyone who refuses to acknowledge the difference between ‘playing with’ and ‘subbing to’. I play with lots of friends in different capacities. I sub to one person. They might look the same, but theyre not. 

I cant stand anyone who plays or speaks above their knowledge level. I dont like reckless players, I dont like unknowledgable teachers, I dont like unskilled players, I dont like seeing peoples safety put in danger because someone THINKS they know more than they really do, and wants to be some badass naturally born domly dom instead of admitting they need to be taught something. 

I cant stand anyone who refuses to acknowledge or disrespects my relationship(s)


Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

Nothing I would consider “unexpected”. I expected that once I started to partake in something that interested me that I would like it and be a happier person for having embraced it. I expected that I would find a partner who I match up well with. I expected that I would find a new group of friends. Those are the ways that my life has improved, but theyre not surprising. 


Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

theres a LOT in the kink/fetish world that I dont understand. Not much that I actively seek to gain understanding of, mostly because the best explanation Im going to get is “thats just how it is”…

like balloon popping

cake sitting

pie-in-the-face

bug stomping

little people eating

giantess

…none of that shit makes any sense to me. But someone, somewhere, every day, is blowing their wad to that stuff. More power to them, but I definitely dont understand why. 


Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

I have to admit, Ive hated every BDSM related book/movie Ive ever encountered. I find that the most popular ones (story of O, the secretary, etc) are over-romanticized dramas about unstable people engaging in unhealthy manipulative hurtful relationships and abusing each other mentally and sometimes physically… its all just dressed up to look like kink instead. 

However, Im totally open to suggestions. 


Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

I dont think that theres anything that differs between a kinky relationship and a vanilla one that is needed to keep a relationship healthy. 

All kinds of relationships need trust, honesty, a good open line of communication, consent, and compatibility. Both kinky and vanilla relationships need to deal with what each partner is comfortable with both emotionally and physically, both need to be able to honestly speak their minds about everything when they want to without ridicule or repercussions, both need to be able to trust their partner(s), and both need the people to just be right for each other from the get-go. 

For kink it MAY (but not always) become a little more complex because you MIGHT be adding other people into your dynamic (other lovers, other play partners, other friends, “sisters/brothers”, mentors/students, whatever) or partaking in activities that require more ____ than the average relationship, but the basic building blocks are all the same. 


Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about

Awareness, for anyone, including those who are participating in safe sex

This was recently a popular post on Fetlife, and it is so very very VERY important to read. PLEASE dont skip over it with a “oh but Im not HIV positive/ oh I have safe sex/ oh I get tested” dismissal, because you might not be as safe as you think. 

This link will redirect to a blogspot post by someone other than myself, but its the most gut-wrenching, horrific, saddening, yet direly important thing I think Ive ever read and I NEED to share it with you, I NEED you to share it with everyone you know, everyone you care about. I need you to read it in its entirety, I need you to also follow the links provided in the post and I need you read those in their entirety as well. I cant NOT share this and beg you to be aware of it, its one of the most disgusting, hurtful, deceitful things a human can do to another, and I need to know you were aware it could happen to you or I wont be able to sleep at night. 

http://blog.guyn2gear.com/2012/12/the-underworld-of-non-consensual-unsafe.html?zx=4b07a29dc05ac40f

This blog post is about how someone who trusted their partner, and regularly practiced ONLY safe sex, came to be HIV positive. Its a post about how there are THOUSANDS of people out there, who purposefully trick you into believing youre engaging in safe sex, when in fact they have done something to jeopardize your encounter and make sure that you are exposed to them in a way you did not consent to be. There are links that describe these peoples techniques in detail, PLEASE READ THEM SO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. There are links with tips on how to prevent these tricks from being played on you, PLEASE READ THOSE TOO. 

Please be aware that while this particular post centers around the gay male community, it can and does happen in all communities, including other branches of the LGBTQ as well as hetero sex. And while this post centers on HIV transmission, other types of STDs can be spread this exact same way, as well as forced pregnancies among heterosexual encounters (with either gender being the aggressor) 

Just please read all of it. Please let it sink in, please remember it, And please pass it on. 

30 days of Kink

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

-Service-oriented, owned, submissive. Sometimes toppy with cute girls. I dont know how more plain I can get about it. I enjoy service-related activities, “1950s housewife” /domestic type tasks. Im owned, and I give my Dominant everything I can. Occasionally I think its fun to make a pretty girl cry, because Im mean. Any more than that and I’ll be answering question 2 and 6

Day 2: List your kinks.


-Impact play

-Biting, pinching, hair pulling, face slapping, choking

-Rope, restraint, bondage

-public sex, threesomes, yoyeurism

I think that covers all the basics.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?


I don’t ever recall having an “ah-ha!” moment, I just always sort of was, one day for some reason I heard the definition of the word kinky and adopted it (I guess). I don’t remember ever searching for “people who like blahblahblah” or feeling like i didnt understand a part of me, it was just always there and i went with it. I remember my “oh yes I’m definitely submissive” moment. All my high school boyfriends were vanilla or subs, so when I said I wanted to have rough sex, the response was “okay, YOU be rough to ME”, which was not what I thought I wanted, and I found it frustrating. My last highschool boyfriend finally got it, and I knew it was right immediately.


Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Possibly. Im no psychologist. My love for playing with string and tying all the furniture up may or may not have been a childish interest in bondage. Maybe I just liked playing with string. I never tied any person or toy up, just wrapped string around chair legs and tables, making a big knotted mess that had to be cut out. my string got taken away. 

The babysitters boys used to chase me around with a roll of duct tape…but they were trying to put it in my hair, not restrain me. I think they were just being rotten, not kinky. 

Every time I played with barbies, there was a wedding, I guess I really liked barbies wedding dress. For whatever reason, barbie always married barbie, not ken. So, thinking I was gay, they took away all my extra barbies and left me with several kens. So *I* married barbie instead, and the kens were still just the minister and ushers and barbies dad. They gave up and gave me my barbies back. That probably says more about growing up in a single-parent (female) home and my lack of understanding about marriage than it does about my love for fucking chicks though. 

I didnt like spankings as a kid. I only got them maybe two or three times, and I specifically aimed to avoid it. 

Once I hit puberty I was pretty in-tune with my sexuality. There wasnt much to “hint” at, I just somehow already knew that I was going to like kink. I didnt know ALL there was to know about kink (I still dont), my idea was “ooh I like ‘rough’ sex…or i will…when i lose my virginity”, I heard song lyrics about it or saw it on tv or something and knew the idea appealed to me. 

Boring normal childhood! 

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

I dont actually remember it. I mean, I remember my first REALLY kinky experience, but not the first thing that really confirmed “yep Im kinky” for me. It was somewhere in my early teens I have to assume, because I WAS having (what I considered kinky at the time) kinky sex with my long-term highschool boyfriend by 17ish. 

I handcuffed a boyfriend once before that, and it was really lame (because I was topping and I didnt like it) and I guess that could have been my first kinky experience because, well, handcuffs. I dont remember the first time someone “spanked” (by which I mean barely tapped) my ass during sex, or pulled my hair (by which I mean put their hand loosely in my hair). 

Ultimately Id say that whatever it was, it wasnt good enough to be remembered. Which sums up a LOT of my sexual experiences, actually. Thats a bummer. 

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Im not really one for elaborate detail, Im a pretty simple gal in terms of what has to happen to make me happy. Id have to say my most “out there” fantasies involve groups of people fucking/beating/etcing me. I dont have any specific people, or specific actions in mind, Id actually rather not plan it out too much because in the off-chance it were to ever happen, the more detail I decide I want, the greater the chance of it not being exactly what I want. If I leave the details open ended then I can be satisfied with whatever I get. 


Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Ooh this ones easy! 

My favorite sex-toy has to be the Eroscillator. Its pretty much the best vibrator in the whole goddamn world, better than a hitachi, better than a sybian, better than a rabbit, better than everything in the history of ever, the end. 

My favorite kink-toy is a really fantastic (elk, I think?) leather/suede flogger I picked up at Fetishcon this year. Its hand-made by a vendor who I regrettably cant remember the name of, but I believe that Ive bought from them in the past (another flogger) and theyre really nice. This one has bumped my other flogger into second favourite. Im a much bigger fan of thuddy than stingy, and this flogger does amazingly well at that. 

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Thats what my entire blog is. Tits and kink. I want a do-over on this question 

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

This one is stupid too. A vanilla person wrote this up, didnt they? Grrrr. 

“Passenger” by the Deftones is one of my favorite songs to dance to, its a little bit kinky. 

Now Im skipping onto day 10 because these last two sucked. 


Day 10: What are your hard limits?


There we go, a reasonable question. Things I am 100% NOT into

-blood, cutting, etc

-shit

-piss

-adult baby/diapering/littles/age play (not to say theyre all the same, just grouping based on age-related characteristics)

-furries/animal play/beastiality (again, I recognize theyre not the same thing, grouping based on animal characteristics)

-hook suspensions/play, really extreme play piercing, sewing things together, etc

-incest

Theres probably a few more but those are the really big ones that I just cannot with. It turns my stomach to even see half of that. Red red red. 

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

 Im for whatever makes a person happy so long as its within the bounds of reasonable laws (you cant fuck your dog/a child/rape someone/etc is reasonable, you cant have buttsex in the privacy of your own home is unreasonable) and not harming anyone who didnt or couldnt consent to it, Im game. Even the things that totally gross me out, if thats what you wanna do, go for it.

A few “standards” that “the community” preach are 

SSC (safe, sane, consensual)

and

RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)

and I subscribe to somewhere between the two. Im not personally sure where “safe” actually enters my kinks, as many of them are, when done improperly or if there is an accident, potentially severely harmful if not deadly (bondage, choking, etc) A lot of what I like is what some random person off the street would deem unsafe. However Im not sure I totally subscribe to the “risk aware” end of the spectrum either. I understand the risk of jumping off a building, but can anyone with half a brain condone me having “jump off a building sex” on the basis of “well, she knew what she was getting into….”. Further, where does that leave me in the realm of “sane”? Is it sane to admit the risk of jumping off a building is death, yet you still give it a try? On the other hand, I just admitted that the risk of my boyfriend choking me is death, albeit a lesser risk than jumping off a building, it still exists. Its all very complex. 

So, I cant personally recommend one over the other since Im not sure where I even fit in, but theyre both very good guidelines in determining if youre being a decent human being in the scene. Both mantras include the terms that the activity be Consensual, and I think thats above all most important. Consent is the only thing that differentiates a good portion of kink from abuse, and its crucial to the community on a whole and each of its participants that they adhere to the C word. 

I know a handful of people who scoff at all the fancy little acronyms for kink activity, especially when one group touts their policy as better than the others (which happens a lot, theres always the elitists and twue kinksters) and theyre free to have all the dangerous, risky, insane, fun they want so long as all parties freely want to be doing it. In general I think the kink community is better off promoting SSC and RACK, rather than not having them at all though. I think that there are a lot of newbies who benefit from having a guideline to follow when theyre first getting their feet wet, so they dont wind up offending or actually harming someone. 

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

I cant say Ive had any uproariously funny experiences with kink. There have been lots of little giggle-worthy moments. 

In a previous relationship, my boyfriend and I kept all our toys in a box with a sliding top at the foot of the bed. The cats learned how to get into the box, and for some reason took a real fascination with chewing on silicone toys. On more than one occasion I came home from work to find dildos and butt plugs all over the house. With teeth marks in them. That was funny and embarrassing when we had company 

One of my highlights of FetCon this year was a pair of raccoon/fox furries in FULL costume. Im not into furries as a sexual play thing, but their outfits were fucking adorable, and it was really funny to watch them eat and drink through the hoods/masks. 

Similar experience, I was standing in the lobby of a dungeon I go to one night speaking with someone, when out walks a red and blue Trex (full body costume) being led by a woman on a leash. It then proceeded to wag its tail as it was pet. Submissive red and blue tail wagging T-rex…just picture that one for a minute. 


Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

I like what I like because it makes me feel good. Same as why I eat what I eat and wear what I wear etc etc… I find it pleasing to some number of senses. 

I really dont have a better explanation than that. Brain chemicals. Its not something that I just up and decided to like one day because X Y and Z reasons, I tried it, it felt right, I stuck with it. 


Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

It depends on the context of the fantasy. 

Some people think BDSM is abuse. Which it isn’t, unless youre conducting BDSM activities with an abuser, then its abuse. 

Then some people think that BDSM is all fancy toys in fancy basement dungeons and fancy leather outfits and whips and chains and screams and gimps. 

Its also not that. Its sometimes that, for some people, but its also whatever you make of it. I engage in BDSM play without anyone around me even realizing it, because its about what I and my partner feel, and not so much about whos doing what to who with what object and whos screaming and crying. He can say a single word and we’re engaging in D/s play that is not outwardly detectable. 

Aside from that, its still not all fancy toys and elaborate set ups and whatnot. SOMETIMES we break out the toys and the rope and its hours of making me cry. Sometimes he just uses his hands. SOMETIMES we go to the local dungeon and play, sometimes we just hang out, sometimes we play at home. Sometimes its hours and hours, sometimes just a few minutes. 

When people hear “dungeon” they imagine some dark basement hideaway full of scary looking people you wouldnt want to meet on the street doing unspeakable things to helpless victims. 

The dungeons I attend are clean, accessible, well (enough) lit, friendly places full of average approachable people. Theres a healthy mix of smiling and screaming and giggling and crying and moaning and whatever else. Theres play areas, and also social areas, one of them even has a brightly lit and well stocked with snacks lobby. 

Things like Law and Order, CSI, etc do a tremendously shitty job at portraying kink. Its revolting to people who have no interest in kink, and sets bad (either too high or too low) expectations for people who might be into kink. 

And then theres fantasys like 50shades of grey, the secretary, the story of O, etc which are actually just romanticizations of two people who dont have their mental shit together engaging in something edgy to try and patch their emotional boo-boos instead of handling it like adults. Theres a heavy emphasis on one character being “broken” and the other character being the “fixer” for the broken one. Theres also often emphasis on the broken one coming from some sort of troubled life, because why else would someone resort to such awful lifestyles, theyre “damaged goods”. This is also largely untrue. SOME “broken” people use BDSM as an outlet for their issues, but many many many kinksters are perfectly fine, well adjusted, happily consenting adults just having some fun. 


Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Ive been on this want to be kicked lately, I figure if I talk about it enough someone will eventually throw me on the floor and put a boot on me. I already know that Im into impact play, as well as being held down, so I think its a safe leap to say I wouldnt mind if that thing that was hitting me was a foot rather than a hand once in a while. So I think Im past the point of curious about that one, I already know I want that to happen. 

I think Id also like to eventually see what this whole “rope scening” thing is about, as opposed to just getting tied up. 

I think Id also be interested in being trained to cum on command…but some cynical part of me thinks that would be impossible for me, I have a hard time believing people really do it for some reason, so Id have a hard time giving into letting it work if it really would. who knows. 

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

As I’ve touched on previously, I found it difficult in my teens and even in my early adulthood, as recent as two and three years ago to find people who were both open to kink in general, but also able to fit the role(s) I preferred. I’ve met a lot of people who wanted to date/fuck me that were vanilla, and the rest of the package they were offering was just NOT good enough to overlook that. I’ve also met a lot of people who were kinky, but submissive, and they wanted ME to fill the role that I was seeking. Fine for women, not okay for men. The only time I want to dominate a man is when have a once-in-a-blue-moon want to be really mean to someone and not care about them. And I might cause damage they didnt sign up for. So I just dont do that. Ever. And Ive found a lot of people who are all talk and no game, they play “dominant” but theyre faking just to get me to say yes to whatever theyre offering, and thats totally unappealing to me. Im incredibly lucky to have found Sir, hes exactly right for me. 

Its also been a bit strenuous in friendships. I remember in highschool discussing sex among friends and they were grossed out or put off or scared for me that I liked my high school-knowledge-of-kink idea of “rough sex”. I was freaky, and not in a good way, to them. At least not that they would admit. Those same friends all read 50 shades of grey this year though, of course, and loved it. So theres that. *side-eye* 

And its difficult that I have to hide this part of my life from my family. I dont believe that if they knew, they would hate or disown me or anything silly like that, but just like I dont tell my mom about the blowjob I gave last tuesday I also dont tell her about my latest trip to the dungeon, or show off my new rope bruises, et al. However, Ive had to lie about where I was going when Ive booked trips to fetish conventions. Had to lie about what I was doing when going on fetish shoots or to fetish parties. Lie about how I know my friends so-and-so, because I know them through the fetish community and I cant bring that up, so instead I met them somewhere else. Sir and I spend weekends in FL attending a dungeon we like there. My mother always asks how was the trip and what did we do, and because I have to leave out two nights at the dungeon, then two afternoons doing other kinky things, it always sounds like we went all the way to FL just to sleep in a hotel room for three days. My hair dresser asked me last time I saw her what Id been up to that week, and I slipped up and said that I went out to a spa with a girlfriend of mine. She asked which, I couldnt tell her it was actually a sex club that happened to have spa facilities. I have to be careful what I and my friends post on places like facebook where my family might see. Its just annoying. 

The same goes (though this isnt exactly kink-related) with my open relationship status. I have to be sure to never mention that Im going on a date, or doing anything sex/romantic with my other partners. If my family ever sees me around a partner other than my boyfriend we have to be strictly platonic towards each other. Just because I dont want to shove my alternative sexual lifestyle in my families faces. 

In short: its difficult to always remember what company Im currently in and how much of my life I need to make up lies/excuses for, or simply not talk about at all. I COULD just ONLY surround myself with people who are okay with it/also into it, but Id have a much much smaller social network….and no family. 


Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

That all kinky people come from a fucked up, troubled, or traumatized past. Something that immediately came to mind for me… Remember the late-night radio talk show on sex and drugs, Love Line? With Dr. Drew?

Every single time a person called in and had a fetish, a kink, a dirty fantasy, every time they asked about open relationships, enjoying sex for the sex instead of needing to fall into longterm relationships with deep passionate love…every single time someone called in with a question that deviated from “Im a well adjusted young adult in an abstinent long term loving relationship that will turn into traditional marriage and I dont have any problems in my life whatsoever”… Dr. Drews first response is always “were you abused as a child?”

He will actually go so far as to convince a caller who says they were NOT abused in any way as a child that they actually were and theyre just in denial. Because they like BDSM, they were OF COURSE abused as a child. For someone attempting to host a help-line about love and sex he is the biggest judgemental, narrowminded, egotistical twat Ive ever listened to. 

Unfortunately someone gave that man a medical degree and he somehow landed himself a bit of fame. What he actually should have gotten was a swift kick in the nads. 

Even more unfortunately, a lot of people would agree with his assessment of anyone in the kink scene. That they were abused, that theyre broken, that theyre mentally ill even. 

There is nothing wrong with someone who is kinky 

There is nothing to be ashamed for if you’re kinky

Youre a humongous dickbag if you make someone who is kinky feel like they need to fix themselves or apologize for who they are, and you should probably light yourself on fire. Even if you are personally not kinky, even if you dont “get it”, even if it repulses you, that doesnt make THEM wrong. Ever. 

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

I think all of my annoyances that pertain to the BDSM lifestyle are pretty standard. 

I cant stand the “kinkier than thou” bullshit from the self-proclaimed elitists, as well as the asshat sector of the old-schoolers. 

I cant stand the assumption that because Im female Im automatically submissive (regardless of the fact that I am, people assume it before knowing, just because of my vagina)

I cant stand anyone who thinks that because I identify as a sub that I will sub to them and that they can automatically give me orders or expect things from me. 

I cant stand anyone who refuses to acknowledge the difference between ‘playing with’ and ‘subbing to’. I play with lots of friends in different capacities. I sub to one person. They might look the same, but theyre not. 

I cant stand anyone who plays or speaks above their knowledge level. I dont like reckless players, I dont like unknowledgable teachers, I dont like unskilled players, I dont like seeing peoples safety put in danger because someone THINKS they know more than they really do, and wants to be some badass naturally born domly dom instead of admitting they need to be taught something. 

I cant stand anyone who refuses to acknowledge or disrespects my relationship(s)


Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

Nothing I would consider “unexpected”. I expected that once I started to partake in something that interested me that I would like it and be a happier person for having embraced it. I expected that I would find a partner who I match up well with. I expected that I would find a new group of friends. Those are the ways that my life has improved, but theyre not surprising. 


Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

theres a LOT in the kink/fetish world that I dont understand. Not much that I actively seek to gain understanding of, mostly because the best explanation Im going to get is “thats just how it is”…

like balloon popping

cake sitting

pie-in-the-face

bug stomping

little people eating

giantess

…none of that shit makes any sense to me. But someone, somewhere, every day, is blowing their wad to that stuff. More power to them, but I definitely dont understand why. 


Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

I have to admit, Ive hated every BDSM related book/movie Ive ever encountered. I find that the most popular ones (story of O, the secretary, etc) are over-romanticized dramas about unstable people engaging in unhealthy manipulative hurtful relationships and abusing each other mentally and sometimes physically… its all just dressed up to look like kink instead. 

However, Im totally open to suggestions. 


Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about

stfusexists:

Tonight at six: new study suggests fire extinguishers NOT actually causing fires. We’ll bring you the controversial details. 

Im shocked. 

30 days of Kink

30 Days of Kink

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

-Service-oriented, owned, submissive. Sometimes toppy with cute girls. I dont know how more plain I can get about it. I enjoy service-related activities, “1950s housewife” /domestic type tasks. Im owned, and I give my Dominant everything I can. Occasionally I think its fun to make a pretty girl cry, because Im mean. Any more than that and I’ll be answering question 2 and 6

Day 2: List your kinks.


-Impact play

-Biting, pinching, hair pulling, face slapping, choking

-Rope, restraint, bondage

-public sex, threesomes, yoyeurism

I think that covers all the basics.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?


I don’t ever recall having an “ah-ha!” moment, I just always sort of was, one day for some reason I heard the definition of the word kinky and adopted it (I guess). I don’t remember ever searching for “people who like blahblahblah” or feeling like i didnt understand a part of me, it was just always there and i went with it. I remember my “oh yes I’m definitely submissive” moment. All my high school boyfriends were vanilla or subs, so when I said I wanted to have rough sex, the response was “okay, YOU be rough to ME”, which was not what I thought I wanted, and I found it frustrating. My last highschool boyfriend finally got it, and I knew it was right immediately.


Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Possibly. Im no psychologist. My love for playing with string and tying all the furniture up may or may not have been a childish interest in bondage. Maybe I just liked playing with string. I never tied any person or toy up, just wrapped string around chair legs and tables, making a big knotted mess that had to be cut out. my string got taken away. 

The babysitters boys used to chase me around with a roll of duct tape…but they were trying to put it in my hair, not restrain me. I think they were just being rotten, not kinky. 

Every time I played with barbies, there was a wedding, I guess I really liked barbies wedding dress. For whatever reason, barbie always married barbie, not ken. So, thinking I was gay, they took away all my extra barbies and left me with several kens. So *I* married barbie instead, and the kens were still just the minister and ushers and barbies dad. They gave up and gave me my barbies back. That probably says more about growing up in a single-parent (female) home and my lack of understanding about marriage than it does about my love for fucking chicks though. 

I didnt like spankings as a kid. I only got them maybe two or three times, and I specifically aimed to avoid it. 

Once I hit puberty I was pretty in-tune with my sexuality. There wasnt much to “hint” at, I just somehow already knew that I was going to like kink. I didnt know ALL there was to know about kink (I still dont), my idea was “ooh I like ‘rough’ sex…or i will…when i lose my virginity”, I heard song lyrics about it or saw it on tv or something and knew the idea appealed to me. 

Boring normal childhood! 

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

I dont actually remember it. I mean, I remember my first REALLY kinky experience, but not the first thing that really confirmed “yep Im kinky” for me. It was somewhere in my early teens I have to assume, because I WAS having (what I considered kinky at the time) kinky sex with my long-term highschool boyfriend by 17ish. 

I handcuffed a boyfriend once before that, and it was really lame (because I was topping and I didnt like it) and I guess that could have been my first kinky experience because, well, handcuffs. I dont remember the first time someone “spanked” (by which I mean barely tapped) my ass during sex, or pulled my hair (by which I mean put their hand loosely in my hair). 

Ultimately Id say that whatever it was, it wasnt good enough to be remembered. Which sums up a LOT of my sexual experiences, actually. Thats a bummer. 

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Im not really one for elaborate detail, Im a pretty simple gal in terms of what has to happen to make me happy. Id have to say my most “out there” fantasies involve groups of people fucking/beating/etcing me. I dont have any specific people, or specific actions in mind, Id actually rather not plan it out too much because in the off-chance it were to ever happen, the more detail I decide I want, the greater the chance of it not being exactly what I want. If I leave the details open ended then I can be satisfied with whatever I get. 


Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Ooh this ones easy! 

My favorite sex-toy has to be the Eroscillator. Its pretty much the best vibrator in the whole goddamn world, better than a hitachi, better than a sybian, better than a rabbit, better than everything in the history of ever, the end. 

My favorite kink-toy is a really fantastic (elk, I think?) leather/suede flogger I picked up at Fetishcon this year. Its hand-made by a vendor who I regrettably cant remember the name of, but I believe that Ive bought from them in the past (another flogger) and theyre really nice. This one has bumped my other flogger into second favourite. Im a much bigger fan of thuddy than stingy, and this flogger does amazingly well at that. 

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Thats what my entire blog is. Tits and kink. I want a do-over on this question 

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

This one is stupid too. A vanilla person wrote this up, didnt they? Grrrr. 

“Passenger” by the Deftones is one of my favorite songs to dance to, its a little bit kinky. 

Now Im skipping onto day 10 because these last two sucked. 


Day 10: What are your hard limits?


There we go, a reasonable question. Things I am 100% NOT into

-blood, cutting, etc

-shit

-piss

-adult baby/diapering/littles/age play (not to say theyre all the same, just grouping based on age-related characteristics)

-furries/animal play/beastiality (again, I recognize theyre not the same thing, grouping based on animal characteristics)

-hook suspensions/play, really extreme play piercing, sewing things together, etc

-incest

Theres probably a few more but those are the really big ones that I just cannot with. It turns my stomach to even see half of that. Red red red. 

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

 Im for whatever makes a person happy so long as its within the bounds of reasonable laws (you cant fuck your dog/a child/rape someone/etc is reasonable, you cant have buttsex in the privacy of your own home is unreasonable) and not harming anyone who didnt or couldnt consent to it, Im game. Even the things that totally gross me out, if thats what you wanna do, go for it.

A few “standards” that “the community” preach are 

SSC (safe, sane, consensual)

and

RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)

and I subscribe to somewhere between the two. Im not personally sure where “safe” actually enters my kinks, as many of them are, when done improperly or if there is an accident, potentially severely harmful if not deadly (bondage, choking, etc) A lot of what I like is what some random person off the street would deem unsafe. However Im not sure I totally subscribe to the “risk aware” end of the spectrum either. I understand the risk of jumping off a building, but can anyone with half a brain condone me having “jump off a building sex” on the basis of “well, she knew what she was getting into….”. Further, where does that leave me in the realm of “sane”? Is it sane to admit the risk of jumping off a building is death, yet you still give it a try? On the other hand, I just admitted that the risk of my boyfriend choking me is death, albeit a lesser risk than jumping off a building, it still exists. Its all very complex. 

So, I cant personally recommend one over the other since Im not sure where I even fit in, but theyre both very good guidelines in determining if youre being a decent human being in the scene. Both mantras include the terms that the activity be Consensual, and I think thats above all most important. Consent is the only thing that differentiates a good portion of kink from abuse, and its crucial to the community on a whole and each of its participants that they adhere to the C word. 

I know a handful of people who scoff at all the fancy little acronyms for kink activity, especially when one group touts their policy as better than the others (which happens a lot, theres always the elitists and twue kinksters) and theyre free to have all the dangerous, risky, insane, fun they want so long as all parties freely want to be doing it. In general I think the kink community is better off promoting SSC and RACK, rather than not having them at all though. I think that there are a lot of newbies who benefit from having a guideline to follow when theyre first getting their feet wet, so they dont wind up offending or actually harming someone. 

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

I cant say Ive had any uproariously funny experiences with kink. There have been lots of little giggle-worthy moments. 

In a previous relationship, my boyfriend and I kept all our toys in a box with a sliding top at the foot of the bed. The cats learned how to get into the box, and for some reason took a real fascination with chewing on silicone toys. On more than one occasion I came home from work to find dildos and butt plugs all over the house. With teeth marks in them. That was funny and embarrassing when we had company 

One of my highlights of FetCon this year was a pair of raccoon/fox furries in FULL costume. Im not into furries as a sexual play thing, but their outfits were fucking adorable, and it was really funny to watch them eat and drink through the hoods/masks. 

Similar experience, I was standing in the lobby of a dungeon I go to one night speaking with someone, when out walks a red and blue Trex (full body costume) being led by a woman on a leash. It then proceeded to wag its tail as it was pet. Submissive red and blue tail wagging T-rex…just picture that one for a minute. 


Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

I like what I like because it makes me feel good. Same as why I eat what I eat and wear what I wear etc etc… I find it pleasing to some number of senses. 

I really dont have a better explanation than that. Brain chemicals. Its not something that I just up and decided to like one day because X Y and Z reasons, I tried it, it felt right, I stuck with it. 


Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

It depends on the context of the fantasy. 

Some people think BDSM is abuse. Which it isn’t, unless youre conducting BDSM activities with an abuser, then its abuse. 

Then some people think that BDSM is all fancy toys in fancy basement dungeons and fancy leather outfits and whips and chains and screams and gimps. 

Its also not that. Its sometimes that, for some people, but its also whatever you make of it. I engage in BDSM play without anyone around me even realizing it, because its about what I and my partner feel, and not so much about whos doing what to who with what object and whos screaming and crying. He can say a single word and we’re engaging in D/s play that is not outwardly detectable. 

Aside from that, its still not all fancy toys and elaborate set ups and whatnot. SOMETIMES we break out the toys and the rope and its hours of making me cry. Sometimes he just uses his hands. SOMETIMES we go to the local dungeon and play, sometimes we just hang out, sometimes we play at home. Sometimes its hours and hours, sometimes just a few minutes. 

When people hear “dungeon” they imagine some dark basement hideaway full of scary looking people you wouldnt want to meet on the street doing unspeakable things to helpless victims. 

The dungeons I attend are clean, accessible, well (enough) lit, friendly places full of average approachable people. Theres a healthy mix of smiling and screaming and giggling and crying and moaning and whatever else. Theres play areas, and also social areas, one of them even has a brightly lit and well stocked with snacks lobby. 

Things like Law and Order, CSI, etc do a tremendously shitty job at portraying kink. Its revolting to people who have no interest in kink, and sets bad (either too high or too low) expectations for people who might be into kink. 

And then theres fantasys like 50shades of grey, the secretary, the story of O, etc which are actually just romanticizations of two people who dont have their mental shit together engaging in something edgy to try and patch their emotional boo-boos instead of handling it like adults. Theres a heavy emphasis on one character being “broken” and the other character being the “fixer” for the broken one. Theres also often emphasis on the broken one coming from some sort of troubled life, because why else would someone resort to such awful lifestyles, theyre “damaged goods”. This is also largely untrue. SOME “broken” people use BDSM as an outlet for their issues, but many many many kinksters are perfectly fine, well adjusted, happily consenting adults just having some fun. 


Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Ive been on this want to be kicked lately, I figure if I talk about it enough someone will eventually throw me on the floor and put a boot on me. I already know that Im into impact play, as well as being held down, so I think its a safe leap to say I wouldnt mind if that thing that was hitting me was a foot rather than a hand once in a while. So I think Im past the point of curious about that one, I already know I want that to happen. 

I think Id also like to eventually see what this whole “rope scening” thing is about, as opposed to just getting tied up. 

I think Id also be interested in being trained to cum on command…but some cynical part of me thinks that would be impossible for me, I have a hard time believing people really do it for some reason, so Id have a hard time giving into letting it work if it really would. who knows. 

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

As I’ve touched on previously, I found it difficult in my teens and even in my early adulthood, as recent as two and three years ago to find people who were both open to kink in general, but also able to fit the role(s) I preferred. I’ve met a lot of people who wanted to date/fuck me that were vanilla, and the rest of the package they were offering was just NOT good enough to overlook that. I’ve also met a lot of people who were kinky, but submissive, and they wanted ME to fill the role that I was seeking. Fine for women, not okay for men. The only time I want to dominate a man is when have a once-in-a-blue-moon want to be really mean to someone and not care about them. And I might cause damage they didnt sign up for. So I just dont do that. Ever. And Ive found a lot of people who are all talk and no game, they play “dominant” but theyre faking just to get me to say yes to whatever theyre offering, and thats totally unappealing to me. Im incredibly lucky to have found Sir, hes exactly right for me. 

Its also been a bit strenuous in friendships. I remember in highschool discussing sex among friends and they were grossed out or put off or scared for me that I liked my high school-knowledge-of-kink idea of “rough sex”. I was freaky, and not in a good way, to them. At least not that they would admit. Those same friends all read 50 shades of grey this year though, of course, and loved it. So theres that. *side-eye* 

And its difficult that I have to hide this part of my life from my family. I dont believe that if they knew, they would hate or disown me or anything silly like that, but just like I dont tell my mom about the blowjob I gave last tuesday I also dont tell her about my latest trip to the dungeon, or show off my new rope bruises, et al. However, Ive had to lie about where I was going when Ive booked trips to fetish conventions. Had to lie about what I was doing when going on fetish shoots or to fetish parties. Lie about how I know my friends so-and-so, because I know them through the fetish community and I cant bring that up, so instead I met them somewhere else. Sir and I spend weekends in FL attending a dungeon we like there. My mother always asks how was the trip and what did we do, and because I have to leave out two nights at the dungeon, then two afternoons doing other kinky things, it always sounds like we went all the way to FL just to sleep in a hotel room for three days. My hair dresser asked me last time I saw her what Id been up to that week, and I slipped up and said that I went out to a spa with a girlfriend of mine. She asked which, I couldnt tell her it was actually a sex club that happened to have spa facilities. I have to be careful what I and my friends post on places like facebook where my family might see. Its just annoying. 

The same goes (though this isnt exactly kink-related) with my open relationship status. I have to be sure to never mention that Im going on a date, or doing anything sex/romantic with my other partners. If my family ever sees me around a partner other than my boyfriend we have to be strictly platonic towards each other. Just because I dont want to shove my alternative sexual lifestyle in my families faces. 

In short: its difficult to always remember what company Im currently in and how much of my life I need to make up lies/excuses for, or simply not talk about at all. I COULD just ONLY surround myself with people who are okay with it/also into it, but Id have a much much smaller social network….and no family. 


Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

That all kinky people come from a fucked up, troubled, or traumatized past. Something that immediately came to mind for me… Remember the late-night radio talk show on sex and drugs, Love Line? With Dr. Drew?

Every single time a person called in and had a fetish, a kink, a dirty fantasy, every time they asked about open relationships, enjoying sex for the sex instead of needing to fall into longterm relationships with deep passionate love…every single time someone called in with a question that deviated from “Im a well adjusted young adult in an abstinent long term loving relationship that will turn into traditional marriage and I dont have any problems in my life whatsoever”… Dr. Drews first response is always “were you abused as a child?”

He will actually go so far as to convince a caller who says they were NOT abused in any way as a child that they actually were and theyre just in denial. Because they like BDSM, they were OF COURSE abused as a child. For someone attempting to host a help-line about love and sex he is the biggest judgemental, narrowminded, egotistical twat Ive ever listened to. 

Unfortunately someone gave that man a medical degree and he somehow landed himself a bit of fame. What he actually should have gotten was a swift kick in the nads. 

Even more unfortunately, a lot of people would agree with his assessment of anyone in the kink scene. That they were abused, that theyre broken, that theyre mentally ill even. 

There is nothing wrong with someone who is kinky 

There is nothing to be ashamed for if you’re kinky

Youre a humongous dickbag if you make someone who is kinky feel like they need to fix themselves or apologize for who they are, and you should probably light yourself on fire. Even if you are personally not kinky, even if you dont “get it”, even if it repulses you, that doesnt make THEM wrong. Ever. 

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about

And for those of you following along…How your doctor fucks you part 3

So I went for my stupid pap test, had issues you read all that in part 2. 

My boyfriend spent over an hour arguing with the labs to finally get one that would 

a) even take my fucking samples from me

and 

b) process them in the two weeks Im accustomed to from the states. Not this “could be a month or more” bullshit. 

The lab then has to contact my doctor with the results, and my doctor speaks to me. 

Two weeks exactly come and go. I let it slide for two more days. I call my doctor. 

The receptionist tells me that she cant disclose the results of my test, but she can tell me whether or not the results came in. So I give her my info to look me up and she goes to check. 

She comes back on the phone and tells me they are indeed in, in fact, theyve been sitting there for almost four days. Im in the “do not call” pile. I confirm that the “do not call” pile is for patients whos tests results were negative. She says yes, they wouldnt need to call me if they didnt have anything to tell me. 

Now…NORMALLY, when you go in for your routine yearly pap test, they tell you that no call means no problem, so in X weeks if you havent heard from them, youre fine. However…this is ONLY if youve been negative in the past (ie: nothing has changed), and ONLY if they can actually tell you when your test results are going to show up. “a month or more” doesnt tell me SHIT. 

I was specifically doing my second pap test of the year because my first test came back positive and I had to do a follow up. I NEEDED TO KNOW MY RESULT. I specifically made a big deal of that when I was there, I specifically made a big deal of that to the lab that processed my test. I HAD A REASON TO BE INFORMED BECAUSE SOMETHING HAD CHANGED. Something I had expressed my concern about. And they were never going to tell me, I could have just sat on my thumbs for “a month or more” freaking the fuck out. Really fantastic of them. I will never go to them again. 

The good news, is that both my pap and my other routine STI testing all came back negative. I have to do another pap in April, as a follow up, but thats my regular annual evaluation anyhow. 

Now Im battling a fancy new non-vagina related illness that makes it impossible for me to do anything before 3pm, which is super neat, and I have to find yet another new doctor I probably wont like, but thats a whole nother ballgame. 

30 DOK
30 Days Of Kink (by which I mean however long it takes me to remember to complete this)
30 days of Kink

30 Days of Kink

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

-Service-oriented, owned, submissive. Sometimes toppy with cute girls. I dont know how more plain I can get about it. I enjoy service-related activities, “1950s housewife” /domestic type tasks. Im owned, and I give my Dominant everything I can. Occasionally I think its fun to make a pretty girl cry, because Im mean. Any more than that and I’ll be answering question 2 and 6

Day 2: List your kinks.


-Impact play

-Biting, pinching, hair pulling, face slapping, choking

-Rope, restraint, bondage

-public sex, threesomes, yoyeurism

I think that covers all the basics.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?


I don’t ever recall having an “ah-ha!” moment, I just always sort of was, one day for some reason I heard the definition of the word kinky and adopted it (I guess). I don’t remember ever searching for “people who like blahblahblah” or feeling like i didnt understand a part of me, it was just always there and i went with it. I remember my “oh yes I’m definitely submissive” moment. All my high school boyfriends were vanilla or subs, so when I said I wanted to have rough sex, the response was “okay, YOU be rough to ME”, which was not what I thought I wanted, and I found it frustrating. My last highschool boyfriend finally got it, and I knew it was right immediately.


Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Possibly. Im no psychologist. My love for playing with string and tying all the furniture up may or may not have been a childish interest in bondage. Maybe I just liked playing with string. I never tied any person or toy up, just wrapped string around chair legs and tables, making a big knotted mess that had to be cut out. my string got taken away. 

The babysitters boys used to chase me around with a roll of duct tape…but they were trying to put it in my hair, not restrain me. I think they were just being rotten, not kinky. 

Every time I played with barbies, there was a wedding, I guess I really liked barbies wedding dress. For whatever reason, barbie always married barbie, not ken. So, thinking I was gay, they took away all my extra barbies and left me with several kens. So *I* married barbie instead, and the kens were still just the minister and ushers and barbies dad. They gave up and gave me my barbies back. That probably says more about growing up in a single-parent (female) home and my lack of understanding about marriage than it does about my love for fucking chicks though. 

I didnt like spankings as a kid. I only got them maybe two or three times, and I specifically aimed to avoid it. 

Once I hit puberty I was pretty in-tune with my sexuality. There wasnt much to “hint” at, I just somehow already knew that I was going to like kink. I didnt know ALL there was to know about kink (I still dont), my idea was “ooh I like ‘rough’ sex…or i will…when i lose my virginity”, I heard song lyrics about it or saw it on tv or something and knew the idea appealed to me. 

Boring normal childhood! 

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

I dont actually remember it. I mean, I remember my first REALLY kinky experience, but not the first thing that really confirmed “yep Im kinky” for me. It was somewhere in my early teens I have to assume, because I WAS having (what I considered kinky at the time) kinky sex with my long-term highschool boyfriend by 17ish. 

I handcuffed a boyfriend once before that, and it was really lame (because I was topping and I didnt like it) and I guess that could have been my first kinky experience because, well, handcuffs. I dont remember the first time someone “spanked” (by which I mean barely tapped) my ass during sex, or pulled my hair (by which I mean put their hand loosely in my hair). 

Ultimately Id say that whatever it was, it wasnt good enough to be remembered. Which sums up a LOT of my sexual experiences, actually. Thats a bummer. 

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Im not really one for elaborate detail, Im a pretty simple gal in terms of what has to happen to make me happy. Id have to say my most “out there” fantasies involve groups of people fucking/beating/etcing me. I dont have any specific people, or specific actions in mind, Id actually rather not plan it out too much because in the off-chance it were to ever happen, the more detail I decide I want, the greater the chance of it not being exactly what I want. If I leave the details open ended then I can be satisfied with whatever I get. 


Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Ooh this ones easy! 

My favorite sex-toy has to be the Eroscillator. Its pretty much the best vibrator in the whole goddamn world, better than a hitachi, better than a sybian, better than a rabbit, better than everything in the history of ever, the end. 

My favorite kink-toy is a really fantastic (elk, I think?) leather/suede flogger I picked up at Fetishcon this year. Its hand-made by a vendor who I regrettably cant remember the name of, but I believe that Ive bought from them in the past (another flogger) and theyre really nice. This one has bumped my other flogger into second favourite. Im a much bigger fan of thuddy than stingy, and this flogger does amazingly well at that. 

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Thats what my entire blog is. Tits and kink. I want a do-over on this question 

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

This one is stupid too. A vanilla person wrote this up, didnt they? Grrrr. 

“Passenger” by the Deftones is one of my favorite songs to dance to, its a little bit kinky. 

Now Im skipping onto day 10 because these last two sucked. 


Day 10: What are your hard limits?


There we go, a reasonable question. Things I am 100% NOT into

-blood, cutting, etc

-shit

-piss

-adult baby/diapering/littles/age play (not to say theyre all the same, just grouping based on age-related characteristics)

-furries/animal play/beastiality (again, I recognize theyre not the same thing, grouping based on animal characteristics)

-hook suspensions/play, really extreme play piercing, sewing things together, etc

-incest

Theres probably a few more but those are the really big ones that I just cannot with. It turns my stomach to even see half of that. Red red red. 

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

 Im for whatever makes a person happy so long as its within the bounds of reasonable laws (you cant fuck your dog/a child/rape someone/etc is reasonable, you cant have buttsex in the privacy of your own home is unreasonable) and not harming anyone who didnt or couldnt consent to it, Im game. Even the things that totally gross me out, if thats what you wanna do, go for it.

A few “standards” that “the community” preach are 

SSC (safe, sane, consensual)

and

RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)

and I subscribe to somewhere between the two. Im not personally sure where “safe” actually enters my kinks, as many of them are, when done improperly or if there is an accident, potentially severely harmful if not deadly (bondage, choking, etc) A lot of what I like is what some random person off the street would deem unsafe. However Im not sure I totally subscribe to the “risk aware” end of the spectrum either. I understand the risk of jumping off a building, but can anyone with half a brain condone me having “jump off a building sex” on the basis of “well, she knew what she was getting into….”. Further, where does that leave me in the realm of “sane”? Is it sane to admit the risk of jumping off a building is death, yet you still give it a try? On the other hand, I just admitted that the risk of my boyfriend choking me is death, albeit a lesser risk than jumping off a building, it still exists. Its all very complex. 

So, I cant personally recommend one over the other since Im not sure where I even fit in, but theyre both very good guidelines in determining if youre being a decent human being in the scene. Both mantras include the terms that the activity be Consensual, and I think thats above all most important. Consent is the only thing that differentiates a good portion of kink from abuse, and its crucial to the community on a whole and each of its participants that they adhere to the C word. 

I know a handful of people who scoff at all the fancy little acronyms for kink activity, especially when one group touts their policy as better than the others (which happens a lot, theres always the elitists and twue kinksters) and theyre free to have all the dangerous, risky, insane, fun they want so long as all parties freely want to be doing it. In general I think the kink community is better off promoting SSC and RACK, rather than not having them at all though. I think that there are a lot of newbies who benefit from having a guideline to follow when theyre first getting their feet wet, so they dont wind up offending or actually harming someone. 

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

I cant say Ive had any uproariously funny experiences with kink. There have been lots of little giggle-worthy moments. 

In a previous relationship, my boyfriend and I kept all our toys in a box with a sliding top at the foot of the bed. The cats learned how to get into the box, and for some reason took a real fascination with chewing on silicone toys. On more than one occasion I came home from work to find dildos and butt plugs all over the house. With teeth marks in them. That was funny and embarrassing when we had company 

One of my highlights of FetCon this year was a pair of raccoon/fox furries in FULL costume. Im not into furries as a sexual play thing, but their outfits were fucking adorable, and it was really funny to watch them eat and drink through the hoods/masks. 

Similar experience, I was standing in the lobby of a dungeon I go to one night speaking with someone, when out walks a red and blue Trex (full body costume) being led by a woman on a leash. It then proceeded to wag its tail as it was pet. Submissive red and blue tail wagging T-rex…just picture that one for a minute. 


Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

I like what I like because it makes me feel good. Same as why I eat what I eat and wear what I wear etc etc… I find it pleasing to some number of senses. 

I really dont have a better explanation than that. Brain chemicals. Its not something that I just up and decided to like one day because X Y and Z reasons, I tried it, it felt right, I stuck with it. 


Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

It depends on the context of the fantasy. 

Some people think BDSM is abuse. Which it isn’t, unless youre conducting BDSM activities with an abuser, then its abuse. 

Then some people think that BDSM is all fancy toys in fancy basement dungeons and fancy leather outfits and whips and chains and screams and gimps. 

Its also not that. Its sometimes that, for some people, but its also whatever you make of it. I engage in BDSM play without anyone around me even realizing it, because its about what I and my partner feel, and not so much about whos doing what to who with what object and whos screaming and crying. He can say a single word and we’re engaging in D/s play that is not outwardly detectable. 

Aside from that, its still not all fancy toys and elaborate set ups and whatnot. SOMETIMES we break out the toys and the rope and its hours of making me cry. Sometimes he just uses his hands. SOMETIMES we go to the local dungeon and play, sometimes we just hang out, sometimes we play at home. Sometimes its hours and hours, sometimes just a few minutes. 

When people hear “dungeon” they imagine some dark basement hideaway full of scary looking people you wouldnt want to meet on the street doing unspeakable things to helpless victims. 

The dungeons I attend are clean, accessible, well (enough) lit, friendly places full of average approachable people. Theres a healthy mix of smiling and screaming and giggling and crying and moaning and whatever else. Theres play areas, and also social areas, one of them even has a brightly lit and well stocked with snacks lobby. 

Things like Law and Order, CSI, etc do a tremendously shitty job at portraying kink. Its revolting to people who have no interest in kink, and sets bad (either too high or too low) expectations for people who might be into kink. 

And then theres fantasys like 50shades of grey, the secretary, the story of O, etc which are actually just romanticizations of two people who dont have their mental shit together engaging in something edgy to try and patch their emotional boo-boos instead of handling it like adults. Theres a heavy emphasis on one character being “broken” and the other character being the “fixer” for the broken one. Theres also often emphasis on the broken one coming from some sort of troubled life, because why else would someone resort to such awful lifestyles, theyre “damaged goods”. This is also largely untrue. SOME “broken” people use BDSM as an outlet for their issues, but many many many kinksters are perfectly fine, well adjusted, happily consenting adults just having some fun. 


Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Ive been on this want to be kicked lately, I figure if I talk about it enough someone will eventually throw me on the floor and put a boot on me. I already know that Im into impact play, as well as being held down, so I think its a safe leap to say I wouldnt mind if that thing that was hitting me was a foot rather than a hand once in a while. So I think Im past the point of curious about that one, I already know I want that to happen. 

I think Id also like to eventually see what this whole “rope scening” thing is about, as opposed to just getting tied up. 

I think Id also be interested in being trained to cum on command…but some cynical part of me thinks that would be impossible for me, I have a hard time believing people really do it for some reason, so Id have a hard time giving into letting it work if it really would. who knows. 

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

As I’ve touched on previously, I found it difficult in my teens and even in my early adulthood, as recent as two and three years ago to find people who were both open to kink in general, but also able to fit the role(s) I preferred. I’ve met a lot of people who wanted to date/fuck me that were vanilla, and the rest of the package they were offering was just NOT good enough to overlook that. I’ve also met a lot of people who were kinky, but submissive, and they wanted ME to fill the role that I was seeking. Fine for women, not okay for men. The only time I want to dominate a man is when have a once-in-a-blue-moon want to be really mean to someone and not care about them. And I might cause damage they didnt sign up for. So I just dont do that. Ever. And Ive found a lot of people who are all talk and no game, they play “dominant” but theyre faking just to get me to say yes to whatever theyre offering, and thats totally unappealing to me. Im incredibly lucky to have found Sir, hes exactly right for me. 

Its also been a bit strenuous in friendships. I remember in highschool discussing sex among friends and they were grossed out or put off or scared for me that I liked my high school-knowledge-of-kink idea of “rough sex”. I was freaky, and not in a good way, to them. At least not that they would admit. Those same friends all read 50 shades of grey this year though, of course, and loved it. So theres that. *side-eye* 

And its difficult that I have to hide this part of my life from my family. I dont believe that if they knew, they would hate or disown me or anything silly like that, but just like I dont tell my mom about the blowjob I gave last tuesday I also dont tell her about my latest trip to the dungeon, or show off my new rope bruises, et al. However, Ive had to lie about where I was going when Ive booked trips to fetish conventions. Had to lie about what I was doing when going on fetish shoots or to fetish parties. Lie about how I know my friends so-and-so, because I know them through the fetish community and I cant bring that up, so instead I met them somewhere else. Sir and I spend weekends in FL attending a dungeon we like there. My mother always asks how was the trip and what did we do, and because I have to leave out two nights at the dungeon, then two afternoons doing other kinky things, it always sounds like we went all the way to FL just to sleep in a hotel room for three days. My hair dresser asked me last time I saw her what Id been up to that week, and I slipped up and said that I went out to a spa with a girlfriend of mine. She asked which, I couldnt tell her it was actually a sex club that happened to have spa facilities. I have to be careful what I and my friends post on places like facebook where my family might see. Its just annoying. 

The same goes (though this isnt exactly kink-related) with my open relationship status. I have to be sure to never mention that Im going on a date, or doing anything sex/romantic with my other partners. If my family ever sees me around a partner other than my boyfriend we have to be strictly platonic towards each other. Just because I dont want to shove my alternative sexual lifestyle in my families faces. 

In short: its difficult to always remember what company Im currently in and how much of my life I need to make up lies/excuses for, or simply not talk about at all. I COULD just ONLY surround myself with people who are okay with it/also into it, but Id have a much much smaller social network….and no family. 


Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about

30 days of Kink
30 Days Of Kink (by which I mean however long it takes me to remember to complete this)
30 days of Kink

30 Days of Kink

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

-Service-oriented, owned, submissive. Sometimes toppy with cute girls. I dont know how more plain I can get about it. I enjoy service-related activities, “1950s housewife” /domestic type tasks. Im owned, and I give my Dominant everything I can. Occasionally I think its fun to make a pretty girl cry, because Im mean. Any more than that and I’ll be answering question 2 and 6

Day 2: List your kinks.


-Impact play

-Biting, pinching, hair pulling, face slapping, choking

-Rope, restraint, bondage

-public sex, threesomes, yoyeurism

I think that covers all the basics.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?


I don’t ever recall having an “ah-ha!” moment, I just always sort of was, one day for some reason I heard the definition of the word kinky and adopted it (I guess). I don’t remember ever searching for “people who like blahblahblah” or feeling like i didnt understand a part of me, it was just always there and i went with it. I remember my “oh yes I’m definitely submissive” moment. All my high school boyfriends were vanilla or subs, so when I said I wanted to have rough sex, the response was “okay, YOU be rough to ME”, which was not what I thought I wanted, and I found it frustrating. My last highschool boyfriend finally got it, and I knew it was right immediately.


Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Possibly. Im no psychologist. My love for playing with string and tying all the furniture up may or may not have been a childish interest in bondage. Maybe I just liked playing with string. I never tied any person or toy up, just wrapped string around chair legs and tables, making a big knotted mess that had to be cut out. my string got taken away. 

The babysitters boys used to chase me around with a roll of duct tape…but they were trying to put it in my hair, not restrain me. I think they were just being rotten, not kinky. 

Every time I played with barbies, there was a wedding, I guess I really liked barbies wedding dress. For whatever reason, barbie always married barbie, not ken. So, thinking I was gay, they took away all my extra barbies and left me with several kens. So *I* married barbie instead, and the kens were still just the minister and ushers and barbies dad. They gave up and gave me my barbies back. That probably says more about growing up in a single-parent (female) home and my lack of understanding about marriage than it does about my love for fucking chicks though. 

I didnt like spankings as a kid. I only got them maybe two or three times, and I specifically aimed to avoid it. 

Once I hit puberty I was pretty in-tune with my sexuality. There wasnt much to “hint” at, I just somehow already knew that I was going to like kink. I didnt know ALL there was to know about kink (I still dont), my idea was “ooh I like ‘rough’ sex…or i will…when i lose my virginity”, I heard song lyrics about it or saw it on tv or something and knew the idea appealed to me. 

Boring normal childhood! 

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

I dont actually remember it. I mean, I remember my first REALLY kinky experience, but not the first thing that really confirmed “yep Im kinky” for me. It was somewhere in my early teens I have to assume, because I WAS having (what I considered kinky at the time) kinky sex with my long-term highschool boyfriend by 17ish. 

I handcuffed a boyfriend once before that, and it was really lame (because I was topping and I didnt like it) and I guess that could have been my first kinky experience because, well, handcuffs. I dont remember the first time someone “spanked” (by which I mean barely tapped) my ass during sex, or pulled my hair (by which I mean put their hand loosely in my hair). 

Ultimately Id say that whatever it was, it wasnt good enough to be remembered. Which sums up a LOT of my sexual experiences, actually. Thats a bummer. 

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Im not really one for elaborate detail, Im a pretty simple gal in terms of what has to happen to make me happy. Id have to say my most “out there” fantasies involve groups of people fucking/beating/etcing me. I dont have any specific people, or specific actions in mind, Id actually rather not plan it out too much because in the off-chance it were to ever happen, the more detail I decide I want, the greater the chance of it not being exactly what I want. If I leave the details open ended then I can be satisfied with whatever I get. 


Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Ooh this ones easy! 

My favorite sex-toy has to be the Eroscillator. Its pretty much the best vibrator in the whole goddamn world, better than a hitachi, better than a sybian, better than a rabbit, better than everything in the history of ever, the end. 

My favorite kink-toy is a really fantastic (elk, I think?) leather/suede flogger I picked up at Fetishcon this year. Its hand-made by a vendor who I regrettably cant remember the name of, but I believe that Ive bought from them in the past (another flogger) and theyre really nice. This one has bumped my other flogger into second favourite. Im a much bigger fan of thuddy than stingy, and this flogger does amazingly well at that. 

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Thats what my entire blog is. Tits and kink. I want a do-over on this question 

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

This one is stupid too. A vanilla person wrote this up, didnt they? Grrrr. 

“Passenger” by the Deftones is one of my favorite songs to dance to, its a little bit kinky. 

Now Im skipping onto day 10 because these last two sucked. 


Day 10: What are your hard limits?


There we go, a reasonable question. Things I am 100% NOT into

-blood, cutting, etc

-shit

-piss

-adult baby/diapering/littles/age play (not to say theyre all the same, just grouping based on age-related characteristics)

-furries/animal play/beastiality (again, I recognize theyre not the same thing, grouping based on animal characteristics)

-hook suspensions/play, really extreme play piercing, sewing things together, etc

-incest

Theres probably a few more but those are the really big ones that I just cannot with. It turns my stomach to even see half of that. Red red red. 

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

 Im for whatever makes a person happy so long as its within the bounds of reasonable laws (you cant fuck your dog/a child/rape someone/etc is reasonable, you cant have buttsex in the privacy of your own home is unreasonable) and not harming anyone who didnt or couldnt consent to it, Im game. Even the things that totally gross me out, if thats what you wanna do, go for it.

A few “standards” that “the community” preach are 

SSC (safe, sane, consensual)

and

RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)

and I subscribe to somewhere between the two. Im not personally sure where “safe” actually enters my kinks, as many of them are, when done improperly or if there is an accident, potentially severely harmful if not deadly (bondage, choking, etc) A lot of what I like is what some random person off the street would deem unsafe. However Im not sure I totally subscribe to the “risk aware” end of the spectrum either. I understand the risk of jumping off a building, but can anyone with half a brain condone me having “jump off a building sex” on the basis of “well, she knew what she was getting into….”. Further, where does that leave me in the realm of “sane”? Is it sane to admit the risk of jumping off a building is death, yet you still give it a try? On the other hand, I just admitted that the risk of my boyfriend choking me is death, albeit a lesser risk than jumping off a building, it still exists. Its all very complex. 

So, I cant personally recommend one over the other since Im not sure where I even fit in, but theyre both very good guidelines in determining if youre being a decent human being in the scene. Both mantras include the terms that the activity be Consensual, and I think thats above all most important. Consent is the only thing that differentiates a good portion of kink from abuse, and its crucial to the community on a whole and each of its participants that they adhere to the C word. 

I know a handful of people who scoff at all the fancy little acronyms for kink activity, especially when one group touts their policy as better than the others (which happens a lot, theres always the elitists and twue kinksters) and theyre free to have all the dangerous, risky, insane, fun they want so long as all parties freely want to be doing it. In general I think the kink community is better off promoting SSC and RACK, rather than not having them at all though. I think that there are a lot of newbies who benefit from having a guideline to follow when theyre first getting their feet wet, so they dont wind up offending or actually harming someone. 

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

I cant say Ive had any uproariously funny experiences with kink. There have been lots of little giggle-worthy moments. 

In a previous relationship, my boyfriend and I kept all our toys in a box with a sliding top at the foot of the bed. The cats learned how to get into the box, and for some reason took a real fascination with chewing on silicone toys. On more than one occasion I came home from work to find dildos and butt plugs all over the house. With teeth marks in them. That was funny and embarrassing when we had company 

One of my highlights of FetCon this year was a pair of raccoon/fox furries in FULL costume. Im not into furries as a sexual play thing, but their outfits were fucking adorable, and it was really funny to watch them eat and drink through the hoods/masks. 

Similar experience, I was standing in the lobby of a dungeon I go to one night speaking with someone, when out walks a red and blue Trex (full body costume) being led by a woman on a leash. It then proceeded to wag its tail as it was pet. Submissive red and blue tail wagging T-rex…just picture that one for a minute. 


Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

I like what I like because it makes me feel good. Same as why I eat what I eat and wear what I wear etc etc… I find it pleasing to some number of senses. 

I really dont have a better explanation than that. Brain chemicals. Its not something that I just up and decided to like one day because X Y and Z reasons, I tried it, it felt right, I stuck with it. 


Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about

streetxrat:

If you aren’t about spanking I’m not about you

30 days of Kink
30 Days Of Kink (by which I mean however long it takes me to remember to complete this)
30 days of Kink

30 Days of Kink

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

-Service-oriented, owned, submissive. Sometimes toppy with cute girls. I dont know how more plain I can get about it. I enjoy service-related activities, “1950s housewife” /domestic type tasks. Im owned, and I give my Dominant everything I can. Occasionally I think its fun to make a pretty girl cry, because Im mean. Any more than that and I’ll be answering question 2 and 6

Day 2: List your kinks.


-Impact play

-Biting, pinching, hair pulling, face slapping, choking

-Rope, restraint, bondage

-public sex, threesomes, yoyeurism

I think that covers all the basics.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?


I don’t ever recall having an “ah-ha!” moment, I just always sort of was, one day for some reason I heard the definition of the word kinky and adopted it (I guess). I don’t remember ever searching for “people who like blahblahblah” or feeling like i didnt understand a part of me, it was just always there and i went with it. I remember my “oh yes I’m definitely submissive” moment. All my high school boyfriends were vanilla or subs, so when I said I wanted to have rough sex, the response was “okay, YOU be rough to ME”, which was not what I thought I wanted, and I found it frustrating. My last highschool boyfriend finally got it, and I knew it was right immediately.


Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Possibly. Im no psychologist. My love for playing with string and tying all the furniture up may or may not have been a childish interest in bondage. Maybe I just liked playing with string. I never tied any person or toy up, just wrapped string around chair legs and tables, making a big knotted mess that had to be cut out. my string got taken away. 

The babysitters boys used to chase me around with a roll of duct tape…but they were trying to put it in my hair, not restrain me. I think they were just being rotten, not kinky. 

Every time I played with barbies, there was a wedding, I guess I really liked barbies wedding dress. For whatever reason, barbie always married barbie, not ken. So, thinking I was gay, they took away all my extra barbies and left me with several kens. So *I* married barbie instead, and the kens were still just the minister and ushers and barbies dad. They gave up and gave me my barbies back. That probably says more about growing up in a single-parent (female) home and my lack of understanding about marriage than it does about my love for fucking chicks though. 

I didnt like spankings as a kid. I only got them maybe two or three times, and I specifically aimed to avoid it. 

Once I hit puberty I was pretty in-tune with my sexuality. There wasnt much to “hint” at, I just somehow already knew that I was going to like kink. I didnt know ALL there was to know about kink (I still dont), my idea was “ooh I like ‘rough’ sex…or i will…when i lose my virginity”, I heard song lyrics about it or saw it on tv or something and knew the idea appealed to me. 

Boring normal childhood! 

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

I dont actually remember it. I mean, I remember my first REALLY kinky experience, but not the first thing that really confirmed “yep Im kinky” for me. It was somewhere in my early teens I have to assume, because I WAS having (what I considered kinky at the time) kinky sex with my long-term highschool boyfriend by 17ish. 

I handcuffed a boyfriend once before that, and it was really lame (because I was topping and I didnt like it) and I guess that could have been my first kinky experience because, well, handcuffs. I dont remember the first time someone “spanked” (by which I mean barely tapped) my ass during sex, or pulled my hair (by which I mean put their hand loosely in my hair). 

Ultimately Id say that whatever it was, it wasnt good enough to be remembered. Which sums up a LOT of my sexual experiences, actually. Thats a bummer. 

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Im not really one for elaborate detail, Im a pretty simple gal in terms of what has to happen to make me happy. Id have to say my most “out there” fantasies involve groups of people fucking/beating/etcing me. I dont have any specific people, or specific actions in mind, Id actually rather not plan it out too much because in the off-chance it were to ever happen, the more detail I decide I want, the greater the chance of it not being exactly what I want. If I leave the details open ended then I can be satisfied with whatever I get. 


Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Ooh this ones easy! 

My favorite sex-toy has to be the Eroscillator. Its pretty much the best vibrator in the whole goddamn world, better than a hitachi, better than a sybian, better than a rabbit, better than everything in the history of ever, the end. 

My favorite kink-toy is a really fantastic (elk, I think?) leather/suede flogger I picked up at Fetishcon this year. Its hand-made by a vendor who I regrettably cant remember the name of, but I believe that Ive bought from them in the past (another flogger) and theyre really nice. This one has bumped my other flogger into second favourite. Im a much bigger fan of thuddy than stingy, and this flogger does amazingly well at that. 

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Thats what my entire blog is. Tits and kink. I want a do-over on this question 

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

This one is stupid too. A vanilla person wrote this up, didnt they? Grrrr. 

“Passenger” by the Deftones is one of my favorite songs to dance to, its a little bit kinky. 

Now Im skipping onto day 10 because these last two sucked. 


Day 10: What are your hard limits?


There we go, a reasonable question. Things I am 100% NOT into

-blood, cutting, etc

-shit

-piss

-adult baby/diapering/littles/age play (not to say theyre all the same, just grouping based on age-related characteristics)

-furries/animal play/beastiality (again, I recognize theyre not the same thing, grouping based on animal characteristics)

-hook suspensions/play, really extreme play piercing, sewing things together, etc

-incest

Theres probably a few more but those are the really big ones that I just cannot with. It turns my stomach to even see half of that. Red red red. 

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

 Im for whatever makes a person happy so long as its within the bounds of reasonable laws (you cant fuck your dog/a child/rape someone/etc is reasonable, you cant have buttsex in the privacy of your own home is unreasonable) and not harming anyone who didnt or couldnt consent to it, Im game. Even the things that totally gross me out, if thats what you wanna do, go for it.

A few “standards” that “the community” preach are 

SSC (safe, sane, consensual)

and

RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)

and I subscribe to somewhere between the two. Im not personally sure where “safe” actually enters my kinks, as many of them are, when done improperly or if there is an accident, potentially severely harmful if not deadly (bondage, choking, etc) A lot of what I like is what some random person off the street would deem unsafe. However Im not sure I totally subscribe to the “risk aware” end of the spectrum either. I understand the risk of jumping off a building, but can anyone with half a brain condone me having “jump off a building sex” on the basis of “well, she knew what she was getting into….”. Further, where does that leave me in the realm of “sane”? Is it sane to admit the risk of jumping off a building is death, yet you still give it a try? On the other hand, I just admitted that the risk of my boyfriend choking me is death, albeit a lesser risk than jumping off a building, it still exists. Its all very complex. 

So, I cant personally recommend one over the other since Im not sure where I even fit in, but theyre both very good guidelines in determining if youre being a decent human being in the scene. Both mantras include the terms that the activity be Consensual, and I think thats above all most important. Consent is the only thing that differentiates a good portion of kink from abuse, and its crucial to the community on a whole and each of its participants that they adhere to the C word. 

I know a handful of people who scoff at all the fancy little acronyms for kink activity, especially when one group touts their policy as better than the others (which happens a lot, theres always the elitists and twue kinksters) and theyre free to have all the dangerous, risky, insane, fun they want so long as all parties freely want to be doing it. In general I think the kink community is better off promoting SSC and RACK, rather than not having them at all though. I think that there are a lot of newbies who benefit from having a guideline to follow when theyre first getting their feet wet, so they dont wind up offending or actually harming someone. 

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about

Filed under : Things I cant stop being jealous over. 

Filed under : Things I cant stop being jealous over. 

30days
30 Days Of Kink (by which I mean however long it takes me to remember to complete this)
30 days of Kink

30 Days of Kink

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

-Service-oriented, owned, submissive. Sometimes toppy with cute girls. I dont know how more plain I can get about it. I enjoy service-related activities, “1950s housewife” /domestic type tasks. Im owned, and I give my Dominant everything I can. Occasionally I think its fun to make a pretty girl cry, because Im mean. Any more than that and I’ll be answering question 2 and 6

Day 2: List your kinks.


-Impact play

-Biting, pinching, hair pulling, face slapping, choking

-Rope, restraint, bondage

-public sex, threesomes, yoyeurism

I think that covers all the basics.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?


I don’t ever recall having an “ah-ha!” moment, I just always sort of was, one day for some reason I heard the definition of the word kinky and adopted it (I guess). I don’t remember ever searching for “people who like blahblahblah” or feeling like i didnt understand a part of me, it was just always there and i went with it. I remember my “oh yes I’m definitely submissive” moment. All my high school boyfriends were vanilla or subs, so when I said I wanted to have rough sex, the response was “okay, YOU be rough to ME”, which was not what I thought I wanted, and I found it frustrating. My last highschool boyfriend finally got it, and I knew it was right immediately.


Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Possibly. Im no psychologist. My love for playing with string and tying all the furniture up may or may not have been a childish interest in bondage. Maybe I just liked playing with string. I never tied any person or toy up, just wrapped string around chair legs and tables, making a big knotted mess that had to be cut out. my string got taken away. 

The babysitters boys used to chase me around with a roll of duct tape…but they were trying to put it in my hair, not restrain me. I think they were just being rotten, not kinky. 

Every time I played with barbies, there was a wedding, I guess I really liked barbies wedding dress. For whatever reason, barbie always married barbie, not ken. So, thinking I was gay, they took away all my extra barbies and left me with several kens. So *I* married barbie instead, and the kens were still just the minister and ushers and barbies dad. They gave up and gave me my barbies back. That probably says more about growing up in a single-parent (female) home and my lack of understanding about marriage than it does about my love for fucking chicks though. 

I didnt like spankings as a kid. I only got them maybe two or three times, and I specifically aimed to avoid it. 

Once I hit puberty I was pretty in-tune with my sexuality. There wasnt much to “hint” at, I just somehow already knew that I was going to like kink. I didnt know ALL there was to know about kink (I still dont), my idea was “ooh I like ‘rough’ sex…or i will…when i lose my virginity”, I heard song lyrics about it or saw it on tv or something and knew the idea appealed to me. 

Boring normal childhood! 

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

I dont actually remember it. I mean, I remember my first REALLY kinky experience, but not the first thing that really confirmed “yep Im kinky” for me. It was somewhere in my early teens I have to assume, because I WAS having (what I considered kinky at the time) kinky sex with my long-term highschool boyfriend by 17ish. 

I handcuffed a boyfriend once before that, and it was really lame (because I was topping and I didnt like it) and I guess that could have been my first kinky experience because, well, handcuffs. I dont remember the first time someone “spanked” (by which I mean barely tapped) my ass during sex, or pulled my hair (by which I mean put their hand loosely in my hair). 

Ultimately Id say that whatever it was, it wasnt good enough to be remembered. Which sums up a LOT of my sexual experiences, actually. Thats a bummer. 

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Im not really one for elaborate detail, Im a pretty simple gal in terms of what has to happen to make me happy. Id have to say my most “out there” fantasies involve groups of people fucking/beating/etcing me. I dont have any specific people, or specific actions in mind, Id actually rather not plan it out too much because in the off-chance it were to ever happen, the more detail I decide I want, the greater the chance of it not being exactly what I want. If I leave the details open ended then I can be satisfied with whatever I get. 


Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Ooh this ones easy! 

My favorite sex-toy has to be the Eroscillator. Its pretty much the best vibrator in the whole goddamn world, better than a hitachi, better than a sybian, better than a rabbit, better than everything in the history of ever, the end. 

My favorite kink-toy is a really fantastic (elk, I think?) leather/suede flogger I picked up at Fetishcon this year. Its hand-made by a vendor who I regrettably cant remember the name of, but I believe that Ive bought from them in the past (another flogger) and theyre really nice. This one has bumped my other flogger into second favourite. Im a much bigger fan of thuddy than stingy, and this flogger does amazingly well at that. 

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Thats what my entire blog is. Tits and kink. I want a do-over on this question 

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

This one is stupid too. A vanilla person wrote this up, didnt they? Grrrr. 

"Passenger" by the Deftones is one of my favorite songs to dance to, its a little bit kinky. 

Now Im skipping onto day 10 because these last two sucked. 


Day 10: What are your hard limits?


There we go, a reasonable question. Things I am 100% NOT into

-blood, cutting, etc

-shit

-piss

-adult baby/diapering/littles/age play (not to say theyre all the same, just grouping based on age-related characteristics)

-furries/animal play/beastiality (again, I recognize theyre not the same thing, grouping based on animal characteristics)

-hook suspensions/play, really extreme play piercing, sewing things together, etc

-incest

Theres probably a few more but those are the really big ones that I just cannot with. It turns my stomach to even see half of that. Red red red. 

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?
Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about